Facebook is not for me. I look at the profiles of these people here, and I'm like.. I'll never be as good as them. I'll never be as pretty, popular or talented.
I do want to thank God for the little things that brighten my time here. Outreach on Sabbath, finally getting my phone back, having the opportunity today to talk about my feelings.
May, hurry up and come is what I'm feeling. Thing is, when I go home some of the same feelings will stay with me. I'll still be lonely. I'll still be single. I'll still feel like something's wrong with me. But at least I'll have my family. At least I can have those thoughts while I'm lying down in my bed with a cool, sweet breeze coming through the window. And I think that'll make a difference =)
Monday, March 5, 2012
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
I'm trusting You
So you make a new friend. This is good news when you're in a position like mine. What's more, she's really nice! She's friendly, helps you out and makes the extra effort. Yay =)
Then... you find out that the guy you're crushing on... likes her. And they're talking. And when you're with her she talks to you about him. Hm. You try your best to just smile and pretend that nothing's amiss. That's not all. She seems perfect. She's beautiful, kind, genuine, sings, plays instruments, dances, models, you name it. That's in addition to having the guy you were checking.
It's at times like these that I just have to go back to God and say, you know what, God, You promised me that everything would work out for my good. I just don't get why my life seems to have this common thread of being let down (in this area specifically), but I'm trusting You. I don't see any potential available person for me here or back home, but I'm trusting You. I don't know how long I'll be alone, or if it's for good, but I'm trusting You. I don't get why everybody else seems to get through, at least once or twice, but I haven't, but I'm trusting You.
Lord, I'm trusting You.
That is all.
Then... you find out that the guy you're crushing on... likes her. And they're talking. And when you're with her she talks to you about him. Hm. You try your best to just smile and pretend that nothing's amiss. That's not all. She seems perfect. She's beautiful, kind, genuine, sings, plays instruments, dances, models, you name it. That's in addition to having the guy you were checking.
It's at times like these that I just have to go back to God and say, you know what, God, You promised me that everything would work out for my good. I just don't get why my life seems to have this common thread of being let down (in this area specifically), but I'm trusting You. I don't see any potential available person for me here or back home, but I'm trusting You. I don't know how long I'll be alone, or if it's for good, but I'm trusting You. I don't get why everybody else seems to get through, at least once or twice, but I haven't, but I'm trusting You.
Lord, I'm trusting You.
That is all.
Friday, January 27, 2012
So what do you do when...
you're all alone?
Well, technically you're not because you have friends. But these are friends you haven't known too long, who have other friends and only check for you sometimes. You're just one of many options. Hey, that's okay, after all they have no obligation to you. But when you don't have many options that means you end up being...alone.
For some people who tend to prefer their own company and lean on the more independent side, this is okay. But for those of us who thrive on social interaction and don't like going places or doing things alone, this is hard. When I'm alone in my room for hours and/or know my friends have gone out without me...it's hard. When I'm tired but can't sleep and all I can do is think of home and all the possibilities that come with it... it's hard. When I long to see my family, lie down in my own bed, hang out with my sister, go to the church to play cards with my friends...it's hard. Right now...it's hard.
Sigh. I guess this is another one of those lessons that God is teaching me. Am I enough?, He asks me. How do you feel when it's just you and Me, when you have to depend on me for pretty much everything, even companionship? I have seen Him provide for me spiritually, physically, financially and materially, but do I trust Him to provide for me socially?
It's hard, but I know God is making me into a strong, Christian young woman who is independent of man and dependent on Him. It is a test. So Lord, thank You for the friends I do have and the people I have met here. Bless and increase the wholesome relationships in my life. Thank You for this period of testing when You're teaching me to lean on You for everything.
Back to my question... so what do you do when you're all alone?
DON'T SPEND YOUR TIME WALLOWING IN SELF PITY! (note to self lol) Find something constructive to do with your time like:
Blogging =)
Spending time with God- reading the Bible, prayer, listening to music, intercession
Connect with other people (online, call, text, join some kind of group)
Well, technically you're not because you have friends. But these are friends you haven't known too long, who have other friends and only check for you sometimes. You're just one of many options. Hey, that's okay, after all they have no obligation to you. But when you don't have many options that means you end up being...alone.
For some people who tend to prefer their own company and lean on the more independent side, this is okay. But for those of us who thrive on social interaction and don't like going places or doing things alone, this is hard. When I'm alone in my room for hours and/or know my friends have gone out without me...it's hard. When I'm tired but can't sleep and all I can do is think of home and all the possibilities that come with it... it's hard. When I long to see my family, lie down in my own bed, hang out with my sister, go to the church to play cards with my friends...it's hard. Right now...it's hard.
Sigh. I guess this is another one of those lessons that God is teaching me. Am I enough?, He asks me. How do you feel when it's just you and Me, when you have to depend on me for pretty much everything, even companionship? I have seen Him provide for me spiritually, physically, financially and materially, but do I trust Him to provide for me socially?
It's hard, but I know God is making me into a strong, Christian young woman who is independent of man and dependent on Him. It is a test. So Lord, thank You for the friends I do have and the people I have met here. Bless and increase the wholesome relationships in my life. Thank You for this period of testing when You're teaching me to lean on You for everything.
Back to my question... so what do you do when you're all alone?
DON'T SPEND YOUR TIME WALLOWING IN SELF PITY! (note to self lol) Find something constructive to do with your time like:
Blogging =)
Spending time with God- reading the Bible, prayer, listening to music, intercession
Connect with other people (online, call, text, join some kind of group)
"I looked on my right hand, and beheld, but there was no man that would know me: refuge failed me; no man cared for my soul.
I cried unto thee, O LORD: I said, Thou art my refuge and my portion in the land of the living.
Attend unto my cry; for I am brought very low"
Psalm 142:5
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Almost over
I am soo happy this week is almost over. Honestly, it went pretty quickly. As of tomorrow 9.30 or 12.15 if I go to chapel, I am free for the weekend- ptL!
As I was in the shower, one of the best places to think, I realised that I am really here. At Andrews. Univeristy. Here. Where I dreamed of going for over 3.5 years.
One evening a few months ago when all of the things that I needed to do in order to get here hit me, I knelt down and prayed to God that I would make it, because there were just so many hurdles. I just prayed that one day I would be here. And I wondered what it would be like to be here and look back and remember when I wasn't sure if I would be.
So this post is just to give God thanks. Only He knows how much He did to get me here. It's a dream come true.
Last week Friday as we were praying in twos at Impact, my prayer requests were: clothes and good time management this week. I would like to thank God now that the week is almost over for answering both of those prayers. I had two draft papers to write tonight and finished them surprisingly quickly. And I got through all of my hw this week. I also got the opportunity to go buy some clothes, and even though I need more I'm thankful that I got some.
So thank You God. You always take care of me and provide and I just want to say gracias =)
As I was in the shower, one of the best places to think, I realised that I am really here. At Andrews. Univeristy. Here. Where I dreamed of going for over 3.5 years.
One evening a few months ago when all of the things that I needed to do in order to get here hit me, I knelt down and prayed to God that I would make it, because there were just so many hurdles. I just prayed that one day I would be here. And I wondered what it would be like to be here and look back and remember when I wasn't sure if I would be.
So this post is just to give God thanks. Only He knows how much He did to get me here. It's a dream come true.
Last week Friday as we were praying in twos at Impact, my prayer requests were: clothes and good time management this week. I would like to thank God now that the week is almost over for answering both of those prayers. I had two draft papers to write tonight and finished them surprisingly quickly. And I got through all of my hw this week. I also got the opportunity to go buy some clothes, and even though I need more I'm thankful that I got some.
So thank You God. You always take care of me and provide and I just want to say gracias =)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Lessons
God is teaching me a hard lesson. And it scares me.
For as long as I can remember I have known that I want a husband and a family. By the time I hit my early teenage years I wanted a boyfriend. All of my friends had but I didn't. From then my self esteem started to fall.
They were prettier than me. The boys always liked them but never noticed me. Therefore there must be something wrong with me. I figured one day, however, it would be my turn.
One day hasn't come though. I'm still the one that gets bypassed as guys go for my friends. It seems as though everywhere I look there are couples, or girls and guys 'talking' or dating or liking each other; but not me.
The scary thing is that I don't think my situation is going to change anytime soon. I feel like God has me in this position because He needs to work out some things in me first. I judge my value based on how guys see me... but that's not the way it should be.
My value, my goal, my greatest desire and joy should be in a relationship with God. That's how as His daughter and beloved it should be. And I think that that's what God is trying to teach me. I mean I know it in my head but it's not a reality in my heart.
So I may be single for a long time yet. No guy may approach me, talk to me, even look at me, but I believe that one day God will bring me to the point where that's okay. And God, even though I'm real lonely right now, as I have been many times before, I trust You know what's best for me and that's what You're doing. So here I am, do what You must. Thank You and I love You.
For as long as I can remember I have known that I want a husband and a family. By the time I hit my early teenage years I wanted a boyfriend. All of my friends had but I didn't. From then my self esteem started to fall.
They were prettier than me. The boys always liked them but never noticed me. Therefore there must be something wrong with me. I figured one day, however, it would be my turn.
One day hasn't come though. I'm still the one that gets bypassed as guys go for my friends. It seems as though everywhere I look there are couples, or girls and guys 'talking' or dating or liking each other; but not me.
The scary thing is that I don't think my situation is going to change anytime soon. I feel like God has me in this position because He needs to work out some things in me first. I judge my value based on how guys see me... but that's not the way it should be.
My value, my goal, my greatest desire and joy should be in a relationship with God. That's how as His daughter and beloved it should be. And I think that that's what God is trying to teach me. I mean I know it in my head but it's not a reality in my heart.
So I may be single for a long time yet. No guy may approach me, talk to me, even look at me, but I believe that one day God will bring me to the point where that's okay. And God, even though I'm real lonely right now, as I have been many times before, I trust You know what's best for me and that's what You're doing. So here I am, do what You must. Thank You and I love You.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Rom 8:28
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